everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
