I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
