It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
