I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
