Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have aggressive nipples.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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