I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize