this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
