Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
