508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
