so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
