Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
