o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
