I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
