I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
