like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
