I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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