Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
