the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
