He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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