And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sober January is a disaster.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
