I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize