I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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