the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
