i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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