I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
