I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize