If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I skipped work to stalk him.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
