When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He felt like a one man threesome
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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