Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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