i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
