he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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