my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize