Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
