whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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