it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Panties = found
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
