Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
