Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize