I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
