I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
