dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Im part way to drunk.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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