so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize