Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
