This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have demons in me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
