They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
