Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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