I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
