There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
