clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
