I'm really into asian looking animals
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
