Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I will be naked everywhere
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
