Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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