you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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