I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am available for nakedness
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
