So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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