i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
