when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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