I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize