"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
