She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
