something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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