It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
