If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
