I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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