Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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