I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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