u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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