Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
