I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
