She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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