I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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