It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
