That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
