im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
