Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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