and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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