My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
