i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
