I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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