You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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