What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
