Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize