Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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