atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
