Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
