last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
