Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We are two peas in an std pod
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
