She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
