Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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