Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Randomize
