I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
