He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
