Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
