No awkward lesbian experiences without me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
