You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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