Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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