I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
