I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize