Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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