That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
