shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
should my penis look like a turkey
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
