he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
