ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I need water and some morals
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
