So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize