you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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