what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
