nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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