a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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