i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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