after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
