It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
