I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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