i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
