We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
