I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize